Thursday, October 6, 2011

And in Conclusion Class...

What a weird week this has been. My life has been all over the place lately. I've been at my new job for about five months now. A whole new world. I was being a cry baby about it in the beginning. Thinking I would never learn this new unit and afraid to get off of orientation, and feeling really homesick for the NICU. And then I thought about it. I felt the very same way when I was new to the NICU. Hmm...go figure.
I think a big part of my uncomfortableness came from me not wanting to show the real me, for fear I would immediately get the boot. I mean who wants to hang out with the girl that half of her conversations are about bathroom humor or the regrets she has about not growing up to make out with Lionel Richie. More than I thought actually.
In one day alone I managed to rap to Eazy-E, act out a jail phone conversation through the clear lead shields, and do my James Brown imitation to an unsuspecting tech (It's amazing the things you can do in Dansko's on wax floors).
Lesson learned E, just be yourself.
I am also exploring the opportunities that old age is bringing me. Kris and I were hanging out at Town Center in Sugarland and trying to come up with the next best thing to replace Planking. I know, I know, our work is never done.
We came up with...wait for it.........Jumping! It is spectacular! Jumping involves running and jumping to touch a high object, and of course, having your photograph taken. A feat no doubt mere child's play for, oh, let's say, a child. Aaaand not so much for a mid-thirties man and wife.
This was a hysterical failure. Kris was first to go and while he did manage to touch the high hanging store sign, we think we may need to buy him some longer shirts so that he doesn't continue to belly moon the public in future attempts. I was next. I tried to run and jump to touch an awning. I had a heart attack on the first attempt. The second time I swear that I could have been in a contest with Michael Jordan. Kris claims my feet never left the ground. Remind me to make his eye doctor appointment later.
We quickly learned that photos of us jumping showed us that parts of our anatomy were not quite as we envisioned. Especially in full motion. This lead us to the next great thing for us, Exercising.
My old age is also landing me new experiences like constant headaches. I really shouldn't make fun of this because it has already been freaking me out. I had already convinced myself that I had a tumor and would need to start auditioning actors for my made for TV movie. When in actuality I learned that I may have high blood pressure. My doctor really started to freak me out by saying things like 'glaucoma, diet, Geritol'. So now I'm on this journey to find out which came first, the chicken or the egg. Is the headache causing my high blood pressure or is the high blood pressure causing my headache. At any rate I did manage to go into a covert operation with Kris and get him to steal an Entertainment Weekly magazine for me. It was from last month, is that still stealing? I got caught up on Kelly Clarkson and realized I think she's a bitch. She said in an interview, she "...Can't stand people who do karaoke for real...Let the dream go!".
Kelly! The horror! I fully anticipate getting a full record deal the next time I actually have the balls to get up there. She just don't know...I'm like that song in that movie 'Breakin'. Ain't no stopping me baby.
And did you know that Jennifer Garner is going to be starring in an independent film about 'Butter Carving', how cool is that!
I'm thankful for the old magazines in the doctors office. It takes my mind off of my fear.
I'm hoping he says everything will be fine and we can continue with my full body transplant with Eva Mendez as originally scheduled.
Well until next week, Maalox wishes and Ben-Gay dreams.