Nailed It!

It has been a super long time since I have written on here. I truly blame social media for all this.  Instead of keeping random moments of my life in my head and writing them down I'm too busy falling asleep with my phone in my hand waiting to pin the perfect recipe that will self clean my kitchen and keep my craft closet organized.  Instagram is another force in the social media world that is also ruling my life. It makes me feel the need to take selfies where I look an absolute terror and take pictures of all my food.  So now when I go back and look at my feed, I'm just hungry and scared all at the same time.

But let's get down to it.  Let's get down to the nitty gritty of what I'm really writing about tonight. The worst nail spa experience I've ever had in my life.

So, I wouldn't classify myself as a girly, girl.  I think mainly because I'm poor and a procrastinator.  And in the world of beauty, that is just a really bad combo.  I am notorious for wanting my hair highlighted.  I get it done and when they say "See you in three weeks", I'm convinced they are speaking in another language because my brain never gets the message.  I've convinced myself that my ability to turn beautiful highlights into roots, brought about the 'ombre' hairstyle.  Because that's really what it is right? Just overgrown roots? That's a style I'll never get.  I'll have to write about that one in another blog titled, "How I know that I'm Old".

So I've given up on the hair scene altogether.  My only hope for myself right now in looking halfway decent are my nails.  I don't get to go too often, so when I do go, it's a real treat.  Recently after being on call all week, I decided I deserved to spoil myself.  So after my shift was over I went to get my nails did.

I always see this salon on the way to work.  It's not an awful area.  It's right below a little high rise and next to a sandwich shop called the "Spicy Pickle".  That and the burglar bars on the front door should have made me walk away.  It was about 5pm on a Sunday so I knew I was probably pushing it.  But the sign said Walk Ins Welcome and the were opened til 7.  Awesome!

I'll never learn.

What came next has been burned into my memory and not in a good way. As I past the entry way my eyes began to squint and I prayed I hadn't left my sunglasses in the car. The wall color was lime green! Neon lime green! I was so distracted by it that they had to tell me three times to sit down.  As I walked in I saw the pedi spa chairs.  Each and every one of them had that little foot bath at the bottom that was a different color for each chair.  Some were pink, some were blue, some were green.  At this point I had to go to the restroom and wipe off my eyeballs because they had fallen out of my sockets from me gawking like a crazy person. It went on and on.  I couldn't even focus.  It was like a nail spa circus.  I think the only bad decor that was missing were those light up paintings of waterfalls that look like they're moving.

It's so hard to describe the decor in this joint.  But if Willy Wonka and Rainbow Brite ever got married, I'm 100% sure that this is where they would like to live. 

After I sat down and picked my colors the rave music started. 

What the hell? 
   
I'm not sure what kind of ambiance they were going for, but relaxing was definitely not it. It was sooo distracting.  What makes it worse is that I'm not one of those people that can ever fully relax at these places.  One because I'm damn nosey.  I like to see what colors other people have chosen.  I like to see if the nail lady is going to be able to shave that corn down on the chick next to me.  And I also like to hear people talk on their cell phone like they're the only person in the room.  Free entertainment.  Thank you!

Speaking of cell phone talking.  The whole time my little nail lady is calling everyone in her phone and having a full conversation with them while she's doing my nails.
  
This is weird.
  
What do I do? Where do I look? Do I smile? Do I ask to say Hi? She's cussing me out isn't she?  Shit. I think if she wasn't making my nails look like I could be the next Palmolive hand model,I would have complained.  Plus I was tired and my werewolf hands were due a mani. So I figured I could just tough it out.  

My nails were done and looked fab! The last part left was the hand arm massage.  My favorite. I can never relax any other time, but for some reason I can always relax during this part.  

I will never learn.

My arm massage began to take a trip south, or should I say north, when she went from massaging my forearm, to my elbow to my bicep, to my...Whoa Lady! Back it on out of my sleeve! I've already had my mammogram this year! She managed to get a little past my arm pit when I literally jumped out of my chair.  Oh my word.  I felt a little violated.  I honestly don't think she meant to.  At least that's what I kept telling myself.  Too bad for her I had forgotten to wear deodorant that morning.  That is definitely gonna linger.

I'm still contemplating if I will return back or not.  I think my retinas have fully recovered from the paint.  But I don't know if I'm ready for another pit massage.  Unless that's the new thing in relaxing massage? Is it?